Narcissism is often spoken about in extremes. We picture someone grandiose, manipulative, emotionally cold, the narcissist. But the truth is far more nuanced, and far more human.
We are all narcissistic to some degree.
Some more. Some less. And that does not make us broken, it makes us human.
At its core, narcissism is not about cruelty.
It is about self-preservation.
From the moment we are born, we need attention to survive. A baby cries because it must. That cry says, “See me. Hear me. I matter.” Healthy narcissism begins here, it is the foundation of self-worth, identity, and the sense that one’s existence has value.
Problems arise not from having narcissistic traits, but from being stuck in them.
Healthy Narcissism vs. Wounded Narcissism
Healthy narcissism looks like:
Having boundaries
Valuing yourself
Taking pride in your work
Wanting to be seen and acknowledged
Protecting your emotional space
This is self-respect.
Unhealthy or wounded narcissism develops when early emotional needs were unmet, dismissed, or shamed. The child learns:
I must perform to be loved
I must dominate to feel safe
I must blame to avoid shame
I must be right to feel worthy
What looks like arrogance is often unprocessed insecurity.
What looks like entitlement is often fear of insignificance.
What looks like lack of empathy is often emotional overwhelm and dissociation.
Why Some Have More Narcissistic Defences Than Others:
Some people learned that vulnerability was unsafe.
Some learned love was conditional.
Some learned they were only valued for what they provided.
So they built armour.
The louder the ego, the deeper the wound beneath it.
And yet, society tends to divide people into victims and villains, forgetting that most harmful behaviours come from unhealed pain, not conscious malice.
This does not excuse harm, but it helps us understand it.
The Real Difference That Matters
The real divide is not between narcissists and non-narcissists.
It is between:
Those who can self-reflect
And those who cannot tolerate accountability
Growth begins the moment a person can say:
“I may have hurt someone. Let me look at that.”
Healing begins when ego loosens its grip and awareness steps in.
A Gentle Reflection for All of Us
We all want to be seen.
We all want to feel special to someone.
We all want our pain to be acknowledged.
The work is not to eliminate the ego, but to befriend it, soften it, and stop letting it lead our relationships.
Because when awareness grows, narcissism transforms into self-compassion, and self-compassion naturally expands into empathy for others.
And that is where real emotional maturity lives.
Reflection Question
Where in your life are you protecting yourself and where are you willing to soften?
SELF LOVE AND SOUL HEALING 