You Remember Who I Was, Not Who I Became

Sometimes I wonder if people continue to live with an old version of us long after we have moved on from her.

Perhaps I was that person once. Perhaps I was impatient, harsh, reactive, or difficult. I can own that. I have grown, reflected, softened, and changed.

But sometimes people don’t grow with our growth. Somewhere in their subconscious, the old version remains frozen in time. And no matter how differently we show up today, they continue to see us through the lens of who they remember.

Then come the comparisons.

“She is such a good friend.”
“She is so loving.”
“She is so respectful.”

And perhaps she is. But what nobody sees is the story behind the version of me they judged.

They don’t see the years of feeling disrespected, unheard, emotionally exhausted, or quietly hurt. They don’t see the things I endured without speaking about them. They only saw the reactions and sometimes judged the reaction without ever understanding the pain that came before it.

I am not saying I was always right. I wasn’t.

But I am learning that there is a difference between taking responsibility for who I once was and allowing someone to keep defining me by that person forever.

People change. We evolve. We learn. We become more conscious of ourselves.

And perhaps the hardest realization is that sometimes, the version of you that you have already released is still alive in someone else’s mind.

Maybe that’s their story to carry.

I don’t have to keep proving that I am no longer her.

I only have to keep becoming who I am now.