Permission Before Forgiveness

“It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission.”

I’ve heard this saying many times. But through my lived experiences and my learning, I’ve come to believe that while it may be easier, it is often kinder to ask for permission.

Especially when a decision involves someone else.

There have been times when I thought I was doing something for everyone’s benefit, only to realise later that the other person didn’t see it that way. What felt like a practical decision to me may have felt hurtful, intrusive, or insensitive to someone else.

My learning has been simple: don’t assume. Ask.

We never truly know what someone else is carrying emotionally. They may already be sensitive, overwhelmed, or on edge. Something that seems small to us may touch a much deeper place in them.

This doesn’t mean we need permission to live our lives or make our own choices. It simply means that when our choices directly affect another person, consideration matters.

A little pause.
A simple question.
A moment of awareness.

Sometimes, that is all it takes to prevent unnecessary hurt.

Through my lived experience, I’ve learned that being considerate doesn’t make us weak or dependent on others. It makes us aware.

So before you act on what you believe is best for everyone, perhaps pause and ask:

“How will this affect the person involved?”

Because sometimes, forgiveness can repair what permission might have prevented.

And perhaps kindness is not always about what we do for others.

Sometimes, it is about remembering to include them in the decision.