Long-distance relationships (LDRs) aren’t just about miles—they’re about effort, timing, and emotional grit. From the outside, people often romanticize them. But on the inside, it’s much more complicated. Most couples don’t talk about how hard it gets—not just the distance, but what happens when you’re finally in the same room again.
I know this firsthand.
My husband and I were together for 26 years. But if you count the time we spent side by side, it adds up to 15 years. He was often away for work, and I held down everything else—our kids, the house, the office, life itself. I had no choice but to step into every role. I became both mother and father. I had to be strong, and sometimes that strength came across as anger. I know I wasn’t always easy. But I was doing my best to keep everything from falling apart.
When he came home, he wanted to step in—but on his terms. We’re both independent. We’re both strong-willed. And when two dominant personalities try to share space again after long stretches apart, it’s not always a warm reunion. It’s more like two tectonic plates trying to align. There was love, yes—but also friction. He often called me difficult. He judged me for being too strict, too serious, too much. But he didn’t see what it took to survive without him.
Looking back now, after our separation for 5 years, I can admit something I didn’t want to see before: I was choosing us, but he wasn’t. I believed my love could carry both of us. I thought it was enough. But his actions told a different story. He was critical, distant when present, and made me feel I was constantly falling short. I started doubting myself. I started blaming myself.
It took me time—and space—to realize the truth. His judgment didn’t come from clarity. It came from his own unresolved issues. He was dealing with a lack of self-love and self-respect, and instead of facing that, he projected it onto me.
What I’ve Learned from Long-Distance Marriage
Communication is more than just check-ins. It’s not enough to know someone’s safe or busy. Emotional connection has to stay alive, and that takes deep, honest talk.
Reunions aren’t always romantic. Being apart builds habits. Being together again means unlearning and adjusting—and that’s often uncomfortable.
Love isn’t enough if respect is missing. One person can’t carry the whole weight of a relationship. It has to be mutual—effort, care, patience, all of it.
Judgment from your partner is not love. Constant criticism is a reflection of their inner conflict, not your worth.
Your survival instincts can turn into self-neglect. Just because you can do it all alone doesn’t mean you should have to.
To Anyone in a Long-Distance Relationship Right Now
You are not too much. You are not too hard to love. And you are not wrong for needing effort, respect, and emotional safety in return.
If you feel alone in your relationship, don’t ignore that feeling. If you’re the only one doing the emotional heavy lifting, pause and ask yourself: What am I giving up to keep this going?
Love should never cost you your self-worth.
You deserve partnership, not performance. You deserve to be met halfway—not just when it’s convenient, but consistently. And if someone can’t give you that, it’s not your failure. It’s your wake-up call.
Be honest with yourself. Be kind to yourself. And above all, don’t shrink to fit someone else’s comfort.
You’re worth more than being “managed.” You’re meant to be loved fully—for all that you are.
SELF LOVE AND SOUL HEALING 