Resilience is often seen as the ability to endure hardships and bounce back from adversity, but it’s much more than mere perseverance. It’s a mindset we can actively cultivate that allows us to focus on what truly matters in life, rather than getting caught up in urgent but less important tasks. Resilience training keeps us grounded and goal-orientated by preventing us from becoming overwhelmed by negative emotions.
Emotional resilience, particularly, involves maintaining a positive outlook even during challenging times. It’s not about ignoring difficulties but about recognising that we have control over how we respond to them. People with strong emotional resilience understand that setbacks and disappointments are part of life, but instead of dwelling on them, they seek ways to learn and grow from their experiences. They focus on solutions and lessons that can be drawn from adversity.
A resilient mindset keeps us from falling into a spiral of negativity. It helps us avoid reacting impulsively to difficult situations and allows us to maintain perspective, especially when emotions are running high. Instead of letting stress or frustration dictate our actions, we can pause, assess the situation, and decide on a thoughtful response that aligns with our long-term goals and values.
By fostering resilience, we’re better able to keep our emotions in check, making room for more patience, hope, and optimism, even when circumstances seem bleak. It’s about having the strength to prioritise what’s important and the emotional flexibility to adapt when things don’t go as planned. This ability to stay positive, think clearly, and focus on what matters most forms the foundation of true resilience, empowering us to navigate life’s ups and downs with grace and purpose.
Role of emotions in maintaining healthy relationships
Our emotions play a crucial role in shaping how we connect with ourselves and others. Understanding our emotional history, including how we feel about feelings (known as meta-emotions), can significantly impact our ability to build strong, healthy relationships.
Our emotional journey begins at home. If you grew up in an “emotion coaching” environment, you likely feel comfortable acknowledging and expressing your feelings. Crying, sadness, and anger were all considered part of the human experience, helping you build a healthy relationship with your emotions.
On the other hand, if you were raised in an “emotion dismissing” home, you may have learned to suppress your feelings. Phrases like “don’t be sad” or “boys don’t cry” might have been common, leading to difficulty understanding or validating emotions as an adult.
This early emotional training often carries into adulthood, influencing how we manage our own emotions and how we react to the emotions of others.
A meta-emotion mismatch occurs when one partner in a relationship is comfortable with emotions, while the other finds them overwhelming or even threatening. This mismatch can lead to misunderstandings, frustration, and conflict.
For someone who is emotionally dismissive, their partner’s expressions of sadness or anger might feel like manipulative tactics, while the emotionally open partner might feel unsupported or misunderstood.
Emily Nagoski, in her book *Come As You Are*, likens emotional processing to traveling through a dark tunnel. Although it may feel frightening, moving through those negative emotions leads to relief and connection on the other side.
For someone uncomfortable with emotions, however, this journey can feel like a treacherous alley they’d rather avoid altogether. Yet, emotional avoidance often exacerbates issues, leaving both partners feeling unheard.
Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship expert, highlights that the success of any relationship depends on emotional attunement—understanding and validating each other’s emotions.
He outlines the “art of intimate conversation” as a way to cultivate emotional attunement:
1. Put Your Feelings Into Words – Express how you truly feel, and encourage your partner to do the same.
2. Ask Open-Ended Questions– Invite deeper conversations by asking questions that allow for a wide range of responses.
3. Follow Up with Connection-Building Statements– Show that you’re listening and interested in understanding your partner.
4. Express Compassion and Empathy– Validate your partner’s emotions, even if they are different from yours.
This form of communication fosters closeness and reduces emotional disconnect, creating a space where both partners feel heard and valued.
A key to building healthier emotional connections is reflecting on your emotional history. Were you encouraged to express your emotions or taught to keep them hidden? Understanding this history can help you empathize with your partner and validate their emotional experiences.
Dr. Gottman also advises against immediately jumping into problem-solving mode when your partner expresses negative emotions. While offering solutions might seem helpful, it can undermine their emotional experience. As Dr. Gottman says, “Understanding and empathy must precede advice.”
How can you tell if you’re in a relationship that’s good for your emotional health? An emotionally healthy relationship is one where both partners feel free to express their emotions without fear of judgment. You should feel understood, validated, and supported, just as you do the same for your partner.
In fact, research shows that emotionally healthy relationships contribute to better overall well-being. Being in tune with your emotions—and your partner’s—creates a foundation of trust and mutual respect, which strengthens both mental and physical health.
Loving in Silence: The Unspoken Boundaries of the Heart
I choose to love you in silence… For in silence, I find no rejection,
I choose to love you in loneliness… For in loneliness, no one owns you
but me,
I choose to adore you from a distance… For distance will shield me from pain,
I choose to kiss you in the wind… For the wind is gentler than my lips,
I choose to hold you in my dreams… For in my dreams, you have no end.
– Rumi
There’s something incredibly profound about loving someone in silence. As Rumi once wrote, “I choose to love you in silence… For in silence, I find no rejection.” These words resonate deeply because, in many ways, silence becomes a shield, protecting the heart from the possibility of rejection or pain. It allows us to hold onto the beauty of love without the vulnerability that comes with laying everything bare. It’s a quiet form of self-preservation.
We often find ourselves in situations where the love we feel is too strong, too consuming, and to express fully. Maybe the fear of rejection looms too large, or perhaps the reality of the situation makes it clear that love, when spoken, would only complicate things. In these moments, silence feels safe. The love exists, pure and untouched, within the boundaries of our hearts, where no one can question it or take it away.
Loving someone from a distance, as Rumi suggests, protects us from pain. When you adore someone from afar, it creates a space between the ideal and the reality—allowing the love to remain untainted by life’s messiness. Distance becomes a form of emotional safety net. “For distance will shield me from pain,” Rumi writes, and isn’t that the truth for so many of us who’ve chosen to guard our hearts in this way?
There’s also a certain vulnerability to being too close. When you kiss someone in reality, when you touch them, your emotions become exposed. You risk disappointment or heartache. But when you “kiss in the wind,” as Rumi beautifully puts it, you can preserve the gentleness of that moment without risking the fragile nature of human connection. The wind carries your love but never brings it too close to breaking.
In many ways, loving someone in your dreams feels safest of all. In our dreams, love has no boundaries, no limits. We can hold onto the ones we love forever, free from the constraints of time, distance, or rejection. “For in my dreams, you have no end,” Rumi whispers. It’s a reminder that love can exist in the realm of imagination, where it never fades, never fails, and never disappoints.
But what does this say about the way we love? Are we protecting ourselves from the inevitable hurt of a true, vulnerable connection? Or are we cheating ourselves out of the full experience of love by keeping it locked away in silence, distance, and dreams?
There’s no clear answer. Some of us find solace in the quiet love that stays hidden, while others are compelled to shout it out to the world, regardless of the consequences. Maybe it’s a balance of both—loving deeply but understanding when to hold back when to cherish love in its quietest forms. It’s a delicate dance between protecting our hearts and allowing ourselves to feel the weight and joy of real, tangible love.
At the end of the day, love, whether in silence or speech, is still love. And that, in itself, is a beautiful thing.
The Overlooked Burden of a Mother’s Love: A Personal Reflection.
As a mother, it can feel like you’re caught in a constant tug-of-war between wanting to raise independent, resilient children and ensuring their safety. This battle is even harder when you’re parenting with little or no support, and the absence of a partner’s presence puts more pressure on you. In many households, the father may be a “weekend parent”—present only during the fun times, while the mother is there for the tough moments, enforcing discipline, ensuring responsibilities are met, and shouldering the emotional and mental weight of raising kids day in and day out.
But what happens when this dynamic leads to an unbalanced view of parenting? The father, despite being largely absent, may be seen as the more loving parent, while the mother, who is strict out of necessity, becomes unfairly labelled as abusive.
The reality is that many mothers, particularly single or emotionally unsupported ones, carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. When you’re the primary carer, you don’t have the luxury of always being the “fun” parent. You have to make decisions that your children may not appreciate—like teaching them independence by encouraging them to complete their homework on their own or setting boundaries that might seem overprotective because you’re acutely aware that, as the only consistent adult in their lives, the responsibility ultimately falls on you if anything goes wrong.
Yet mothers are humans, too. There are moments of exhaustion, frustration, and even burnout. When you’re parenting alone or feeling betrayed by the one person you expected to support you, these emotions can manifest in easily misunderstood ways—like raising your voice when you’re at your wit’s end. The children, who may not understand the depth of your stress and trauma, might quickly label these moments as signs of abuse rather than seeing them as expressions of a deeply worn-out mother trying her best.
But what often gets lost in this narrative is the silent trauma that mothers endure—especially when dealing with a broken relationship or the sense of betrayal from a partner who no longer shows up. The emotional weight of carrying a family, worrying about your children’s well-being, and knowing that the burden of blame will fall squarely on your shoulders if anything goes wrong can make even the strongest person crack.
Being strict, worrying, and occasionally yelling doesn’t make you an abusive parent. It makes you human—trying your best when you’re expected to be everything to everyone. But perhaps the greatest injustice of all is the lack of understanding or recognition of that struggle from those closest to you and the toll it takes on your heart, mind, and soul.
If nothing else, remember this: you’re doing the best you can, and sometimes that’s all that can be asked of any parent.
Remembering My Personal Journey: A Story of Resilience
There were days when the weight of the world seemed unbearable. I felt like everything was falling apart, with no light in sight, trapped in a storm of my own emotions and struggles. Yet, here I am today—stronger, wiser, and more resilient than I ever thought possible. Every obstacle I faced wasn’t the end; it became a stepping stone. I might not have realized it then, but each challenge I encountered was shaping me, moulding me into the person I am today.
Through the darkest moments, I found a strength I didn’t know I had. Every time life knocked me down, I stood back up. With each stand, I grew stronger. Reflecting on how far I’ve come, I can now see that the strength that got me through those tough times is still within me, ready to carry me through whatever comes next.
There was something deeply transformative about walking through the darkness. It was during those times of uncertainty, pain, and fear that I truly discovered who I am. I faced my deepest fears, I felt the hurt, and yet, despite it all, I emerged stronger. The darkness didn’t break me—it built me. It refined my spirit and brought forth a strength I hadn’t recognized before. Every storm I survived stands as a testament to my resilience. I now carry that strength with me as a reminder that no matter how hard life gets, I have the power to rise again.
Each storm I weathered taught me lessons that shaped the wisdom I hold today. Those trials weren’t in vain; they deepened my understanding of myself and the world around me. I learned patience when things didn’t go as planned. I discovered perseverance when everything felt overwhelming. And I found self-love when I had no one else to turn to. Most importantly, I learned that every challenge carries a gift—a piece of wisdom that has become a part of who I am. With each trial, I didn’t just become stronger; I became wiser. Now, I know that no matter what storms come my way, I can face them.
Even in my loneliest moments, when I felt like the world had abandoned me, the Universe was silently guiding me. There’s a divine order to everything, even when it didn’t make sense. Every twist, every closed door, every moment of uncertainty was part of a grander plan for my life. The Universe knew my path, and it never left me. It placed the right people, the right circumstances, and the right lessons before me to help me grow into the person I am today. I trust that even when the road ahead feels unclear, I am not alone.
Whatever I’m going through now, I trust this: I will rise above it just as I always have. Life has tested me before, and I found my way each time. I know I’ll do it again. This challenge, like all the others, is temporary, but my strength is permanent. I’ve proven to myself that I’m a warrior in my own life, and nothing can hold me down for long.
Everything in life is temporary—the good and the bad. Whatever storm I’m facing now will pass, just like all the others did. I am stronger than the difficulties I face, and soon, I’ll look back on this moment as another stepping stone in my journey. The strength I’ve built will carry me forward, just as it always has.
Even when it feels like nothing is happening, I trust that the universe is always at work behind the scenes. It’s aligning circumstances, opening doors, and paving the way for my next chapter. The process may not always be clear, but I trust it. I trust in my own power to rise above whatever life throws my way, knowing brighter days are ahead. The Universe is conspiring for my highest good, and I am exactly where I need to be.
Victory is not just a possibility; it’s my destiny. The challenges I face now are part of the journey that leads to my inevitable triumph. I believe in myself, in my strength, and in the divine support that surrounds me. No matter how difficult life gets, I trust that I am meant to rise above it all. I’ve already survived so much, and I know I have the strength to overcome what lies ahead. I am divinely supported, and I will prevail because victory has already been written for me.
Your Brain Wants Safety, Not Happiness: Here’s How to Overcome Negative Thoughts
Have you ever noticed how negative thoughts seem to creep in, especially when you’re trying to push yourself out of your comfort zone? This isn’t a coincidence—it’s your brain doing what it’s hardwired to do. The primary purpose of the human brain is to keep us safe, not necessarily happy or comfortable. Understanding this can be a game-changer in personal growth.
At its core, the brain’s mission is survival. It’s constantly scanning for potential threats, even when there are none. This “safety mode” can manifest as fear, doubt, or hesitation. You’ve probably heard that inner voice before: “What if I fail?” or “I’m not good enough.”While these thoughts might feel discouraging, they stem from your brain’s need to protect you from the unknown or perceived danger. As author Rick Hanson explains, “The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones.”
The good news? Just because your brain defaults to negativity doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck there. Overcoming negative thoughts requires conscious effort, but it’s possible. One powerful method is mindfulness—being aware of your thoughts without letting them control you. When you notice a negative thought, acknowledge it, but don’t give it power. As neuroscientist Dr. Daniel Amen says, “Don’t believe every stupid thing you think.”
Reframing your thoughts takes effort, but it’s worth it. Instead of focusing on potential failure, focus on growth: “What if this challenge makes me stronger?” The more you practice shifting your perspective, the easier it becomes to escape the mental traps your brain sets for safety. As psychologist Carol Dweck famously said, “The view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life.”
Your brain may prefer to keep you safe in a box of comfort, but real personal growth happens outside of that box. Next time you face self-doubt, remind yourself: “This is just my brain trying to protect me.” Recognize the thought, challenge it, and choose the path that leads to growth—not just safety.
Why Betrayal in Relationships Hurts: Are People Cheating Themselves?
Breaking up seems almost inevitable in many relationships today, but the pain of betrayal lingers long after the relationship ends. Why is it so hard to move on from someone’s dishonesty? And why do people cheat in relationships in the first place? Is cheating about the other person, or is it more about the person who cheats?
When we enter a relationship, we invest not only time but our emotions, trust, and vulnerability. That’s why betrayal feels like such a deep wound—it’s not just the act of cheating but the breaking of a bond that was supposed to be secure. Trust once shattered is hard to rebuild, which is why moving on after being betrayed is so difficult. As relationship expert Esther Perel says, “When we seek the gaze of another, it isn’t always our partner we’re turning away from, but the person we’ve become.”
People cheat for many reasons, but most of them have little to do with their partner. Cheating is often a reflection of the inner turmoil or unmet needs of the person who strays. Whether it’s a desire for validation, excitement, or an escape from personal insecurities, the reasons behind infidelity usually lie within the individual. Cheating is often a coping mechanism—an unhealthy one, but a way to feel better temporarily.
Author Brené Brown explains, “We’re hardwired for connection but often settle for cheap substitutes, like attention or approval.” Cheating may fulfil a temporary need, but it often leaves people feeling more disconnected from themselves and their partners.
In many ways, when someone cheats, they are betraying themselves as much as their partner. They’re sacrificing long-term trust and intimacy for short-term gratification. They may think they’re escaping an unsatisfying relationship or an unmet need, but in reality, they are avoiding the deeper work of introspection and honest communication. In the end, cheating often leads to regret, self-loathing, and emotional damage.
Cheating isn’t just betrayal of a partner; it’s a sign of deeper struggles within the person who cheats. To heal from betrayal, both parties need to look inward. The pain of being cheated on is real, but sometimes it reveals more about the cheater’s issues than anything you did wrong.
Betrayal strikes at our deepest fear of not being good enough. Psychologists suggest that this kind of emotional pain can take longer to heal than physical pain, which is why forgiveness and moving on can feel like such a monumental task.
Relationships are increasingly fragile in a world where swiping right can replace genuine connection. The instant gratification mindset leads people to seek new options when the going gets tough rather than work through challenges.
Healing from betrayal is a journey. It requires self-reflection, rebuilding trust with yourself, and sometimes seeking help can guide you through the emotional recovery process. It’s hard but not impossible.
Reclaiming Equality: Why Women Should Never Be Treated as Objects or Second-Class Citizen.
Throughout history, women have faced an ongoing battle for equality. In many cultures, women are still seen as objects or second-class citizens—roles that strip away their humanity and their potential. But why does this happen? More importantly, how can we challenge and change these deeply ingrained cultural norms?
This post explores the roots of this inequality and, more importantly, the hope we have for a future where women are truly seen and treated as equals. It’s time to reflect, question, and inspire change.
The belief that women are less than men is as old as many of our oldest traditions. In patriarchal societies, power has long been concentrated in the hands of men, while women were often confined to specific roles—typically within the household or as symbols of beauty. Over time, this led to the marginalization of women in many parts of the world.
In some cultures, religious or societal norms have dictated women’s roles and restricted their rights. Women have been told what to wear, how to behave, and what roles to fulfill in their families and communities. While these practices vary from culture to culture, the underlying message is the same: women are not seen as fully autonomous individuals, but understanding where this inequality comes from is the first step toward changing it. The more we recognize that these norms were created, not inherent, the more we can challenge them.
One of the most damaging aspects of this inequality is the objectification of women. In many cultures and media representations, women are often reduced to their physical appearance. Whether it’s in advertisements, movies, or social media, women’s bodies are frequently commodified, sending a harmful message that their worth is tied to how they look rather than who they are.
This objectification isn’t just about appearance—it limits opportunities and keeps women in a box. Instead of being seen as leaders, thinkers, or creators, women are often judged on superficial traits. This can lead to low self-esteem, restricted opportunities, and a world where women are not encouraged to fulfil their potential.
When we treat women as objects, we ignore their humanity. It’s time to recognize women for their intellect, creativity, and spirit, not just their physical attributes.
In many societies, women are still treated as second-class citizens. Whether it’s being denied equal access to education, facing workplace discrimination, or being excluded from political leadership, women often have to fight twice as hard to achieve the same recognition and rights as men.
Take education, for example. In some parts of the world, girls are discouraged from pursuing an education because their primary role is seen as caregivers or wives. Even in more progressive countries, gender biases can limit women’s career growth, often leading to a “glass ceiling” that prevents them from advancing into leadership positions.
Laws and policies may also reflect this inequality. From restrictions on property ownership to limitations on reproductive rights, women’s autonomy is often under siege. These legal and social barriers are not just personal injustices but injustices to entire communities. When women thrive, society thrives. Holding back half of the population holds everyone back.
Despite these challenges, there is hope. Around the world, women and men are working to change the narrative. Global movements such as #MeToo, #HeForShe, and countless other campaigns have shone a light on gender inequality and given women a platform to share their stories and demand change.
Education is key to this shift. By empowering girls and women through education, we equip them with the tools they need to challenge outdated norms and claim their rights. We also need to educate boys and men about the importance of gender equality—after all, it’s not just a women’s issue. It’s a human issue.
We are also seeing inspiring examples of female leadership, from politics to science to activism. Women like Malala Yousafzai, Jacinda Ardern, and others are showing the world that women belong at the highest levels of decision-making. They are proof that when women are given equal opportunities, they can change the world.
The road to true equality is long, but we are on the right path. Every time a woman speaks up, every time a law changes to protect women’s rights, and every time society shifts toward fairness and inclusion, we get closer to a world where women are no longer treated as objects or second-class citizens.
It’s up to all of us to continue this journey. Each one of us can make a difference by standing up for the women in our lives, challenging unfair practices, and advocating for policies that promote gender equality. Together, we can create a future where women are valued for their whole selves—their intelligence, their talents, their kindness, and their strength.
Women have always been powerful forces for change, but for too long, the world has limited their potential by treating them as objects or second-class citizens. As we move forward, it’s time to lift up women in every corner of the globe, to recognize their full humanity, and to advocate for a world where equality isn’t just a goal, but a reality.
By challenging the status quo, we can create a more just and equal world for everyone—because when women rise, we all rise.
Truth and Tales
The difference between truth and tale, much like the difference between the photographs in a seed catalogue and what actually grows in the garden, lies in the gap between expectation and reality. In relationships, this metaphor beautifully illustrates how our perceptions—of others, of ourselves, and of the relationship itself—are often shaped by ideals and assumptions that don’t always align with the truth of our experiences.
Just like the glossy, perfect images in a seed catalogue, we often enter relationships with preconceived notions or expectations. We might believe that love will always be effortless, that people will behave in certain ways, or that our own actions will be met with predictable reactions. These assumptions can create a story, or “tale,” about how the relationship should be, often idealizing or simplifying the complexities of human connection.
However, the reality—the “truth”—that grows in the garden of our relationships is often more unpredictable. Just as plants grow in unexpected ways, requiring more care or facing challenges that the catalogue doesn’t show, relationships evolve in ways that aren’t always in line with our expectations. Misunderstandings, differences in values, and emotional struggles often arise, revealing that the tale we’ve told ourselves was incomplete or overly simplified.
In terms of perception, the world outside the relationship often only sees the “seed catalogue” version of it—the social media posts, the public interactions, or the facade of happiness that couples sometimes present. The real, nuanced experiences behind closed doors are far more complex. The truth of any relationship, like the unpredictable growth of a garden, involves nurturing, patience, and sometimes confronting difficulties that were never part of the tale we imagined.
In essence, this sentiment teaches us the importance of embracing the truth in relationships rather than clinging to an idealized version of what we think it should be. It encourages us to allow space for growth, imperfections, and unexpected outcomes, which are inevitable in any deep connection. By recognizing the difference between the tale we create and the truth we experience, we can cultivate healthier, more authentic relationships based on reality rather than illusion.
Mutual purpose for a loving partnership to thrive
The secret to success in a loving partnership lies in having a mutual purpose—a shared vision or set of values that guides the relationship. While love is the foundation, it is the shared goals and purpose that sustain and strengthen the bond over time.
When two individuals in a relationship align their purpose, they create a sense of unity and direction. This shared purpose could be as simple as building a life together, raising a family, or supporting each other’s personal growth. What matters is that both partners feel invested in the same overarching goals. This common ground allows them to navigate challenges and conflicts with a sense of teamwork, rather than feeling like they are pulling in different directions.
Mutual purpose also fosters deeper communication and understanding. Partners are more likely to work through their differences with empathy when they know they are striving for the same outcomes. It becomes easier to make sacrifices, compromise, and offer support because both are focused on achieving something meaningful together.
Additionally, a shared purpose nurtures emotional intimacy and trust. When both partners feel aligned in their goals, it creates a sense of safety and stability in the relationship. They feel like they are not just individuals but a team, working together toward a fulfilling, long-lasting partnership.
In essence, love may ignite a relationship, but a mutual purpose keeps it thriving and strong through life’s inevitable ups and downs.
SELF LOVE AND SOUL HEALING 