Society has long placed the weight of a marriage’s success or failure on women, often absolving men of any real accountability. When a relationship crumbles, the common narrative is that the woman didn’t do enough—she wasn’t patient enough, loving enough, understanding enough. But rarely does anyone question if the man lacked emotional maturity, self-awareness, or self-love, which are just as crucial to a healthy relationship.
From a young age, women are conditioned to believe that their worth is tied to how well they can maintain a household, cater to their partner, and hold a marriage together. They are taught to be nurturers and problem solvers in relationships, often at the expense of their own well-being. If a marriage fails, the first question people ask is, What did she do wrong? Was she too independent? Too emotional? Not submissive enough? This expectation forces women into a relentless cycle of self-doubt and self-blame, while men are rarely scrutinized in the same way.
Yet, many marriages fail not because a woman didn’t try hard enough, but because a man may struggle with his own internal battles. Self-doubt, lack of emotional intelligence, or an inability to communicate effectively can all lead to a relationship’s downfall. A man who lacks self-love may project his insecurities onto his partner, expecting her to fix what only he can heal. He may withdraw emotionally, act out destructively, or fail to contribute equally to the relationship. But instead of addressing these issues, society often enables men to escape accountability, reinforcing the toxic belief that it’s a woman’s duty to “fix” him.
This double standard needs to be challenged. A healthy marriage requires both partners to take responsibility, communicate openly, and work on their own emotional growth. Women should not be burdened with carrying the weight of a relationship alone, nor should they be blamed when it fails. It’s time we shift the conversation and recognize that men, too, must put in the effort to foster love, respect, and self-awareness in a marriage.
Until society stops placing the blame squarely on women and starts holding men equally accountable, the cycle of unfair expectations will continue. True partnership means both people taking responsibility—not just one constantly fighting to make it work.
Living in Secrets: The Fear of Ourselves
We live in secrets. Hiding behind masks, afraid of what the world—or even we—might see if we let the truth slip. We bury emotions, lock away thoughts, and pretend to be what we think is acceptable. But in doing so, we only create more chaos in lives that are already messy.
Emotions are unpredictable, and that terrifies us. Happiness feels fleeting, sadness is overwhelming, and love is risky. So we push our feelings down, convincing ourselves that ignoring them will make them disappear. But emotions don’t fade when suppressed—they fester. They turn into anxiety, resentment, and regret.
We fear heartbreak, so we avoid love. We fear rejection, so we never express what we truly want. We fear vulnerability, so we build walls that keep everyone out—including ourselves. In the process, we lose touch with who we are, trapped in a version of ourselves designed to please others.
We distract ourselves with work, entertainment, and social media. Anything to avoid sitting alone with our thoughts. Because facing ourselves means confronting our flaws, regrets, and insecurities. It means admitting that we might not be as strong, as happy, or as put-together as we pretend to be.
But running only delays the inevitable. Eventually, our suppressed emotions and hidden truths catch up with us. They manifest in self-doubt, toxic habits, and relationships that never feel quite right. The longer we run, the harder it becomes to recognize the person in the mirror.
Life is already complicated—full of unpredictable twists, disappointments, and challenges. Instead of dealing with it honestly, we add another layer of chaos by hiding, pretending, and avoiding. We sabotage relationships, push away opportunities, and create problems that didn’t need to exist.
Honesty—especially with ourselves—isn’t easy. It requires facing pain, admitting weakness, and risking rejection. But it’s the only way to break the cycle. To stop living in fear and start living in truth.
Maybe the real challenge isn’t life itself but the way we refuse to live it fully. The way we let fear dictate our choices, our relationships, and our own self-worth. Maybe the mess isn’t what’s around us—it’s what we create by trying to escape who we really are.
It’s time to stop running.
Mastering Fear: The Key to Understanding and Influence
Fear is a primal force, deeply embedded in all living creatures. It is an instinct that ensures survival, sharpening the senses and preparing the body to fight or flee. But fear is also a tool—one that can be manipulated, controlled, and even turned against itself. The ability to influence others through fear requires a deep understanding of one’s own vulnerabilities. To master fear in others, you must first master your own.
Many believe that power lies in the ability to instil fear, but true power is found in the ability to remain unmoved by it. If you are ruled by fear, it controls your decisions, weakens your resolve, and clouds your judgment. Those who wield fear as a weapon without understanding it often find themselves consumed by it. Only by confronting your deepest anxieties and standing firm in the face of uncertainty can you hope to turn fear into a tool rather than a weakness.
Death, the ultimate fear, does not wait for preparation. It comes unannounced, indifferent to whether we are ready. This inevitability drives most fears, but acknowledging its certainty allows one to move beyond its paralyzing grip. To fear death is to fear the nature of life itself. All creatures—no matter how fearsome—experience this fundamental dread. The most terrifying predators still have moments of vulnerability. The difference between the hunter and the hunted is not the absence of fear but the ability to act despite it.
Understanding fear allows for control—not just over oneself, but over the emotions and actions of others. People who live in fear are easily swayed, and their choices are dictated by what they seek to avoid rather than what they desire to achieve. This is why fear has been a dominant force throughout history, shaping leaders, rulers, and societies alike. The ability to navigate fear, to recognize when it is being used as a tool, and to remain unaffected by it is what separates the powerful from the powerless.
Ultimately, fear is not the enemy. It is a mirror reflecting our deepest insecurities, a challenge to rise above our limitations. Those who face their fears head-on become the architects of their own destiny, rather than puppets of circumstance. To master fear is to master oneself—and in doing so, gain influence over the world around you.
The Journey vs. The Destination
Have you ever noticed that when you’re eagerly waiting for something to happen, time seems to drag? Whether it’s anticipating a vacation, a promotion, or a major life goal, the more fixated you are on the end result, the slower it feels to arrive. This is because focusing solely on the destination distorts your perception of time and can make the journey feel unbearably long, even frustrating.
On the other hand, when you immerse yourself in the journey—engaging in the process, learning from each step, and flowing with time—the path feels more natural. You find meaning in everyday moments rather than postponing happiness until you reach the goal. Ironically, by focusing on the present rather than obsessing over the future, you often arrive at your destination faster and with greater fulfilment.
The Problem with Fixation on the Destination
When you set your sights only on the finish line, several things happen:
You Lose the Present Moment – You’re always looking ahead, missing the beauty and growth happening right now.
Frustration Builds – Delays, setbacks, and challenges feel unbearable because they seem like obstacles rather than part of the process.
You Burn Out – Pushing yourself too hard in pursuit of the goal can drain your energy and enthusiasm.
The Power of Focusing on the Journey
Shifting your mindset from destination-obsession to journey-engagement can change everything. Here’s why:
Time Flows More Naturally – When you stop counting the minutes until arrival, time moves at a normal, even enjoyable pace.
You Grow Along the Way – The journey is where you develop skills, resilience, and wisdom that prepare you for the destination.
Satisfaction Comes Sooner – Instead of delaying happiness, you find fulfilment in progress, not just results.
How to Embrace the Journey
Set Goals, But Release the Timeline – Have a vision, but don’t become impatient if things take longer than expected.
Find Joy in Small Wins – Celebrate progress, not just the finish line.
Stay Present – Engage fully in what you’re doing now rather than constantly looking ahead.
Be Open to Change – Sometimes, the journey leads you somewhere even better than you initially planned.
Focusing on the destination alone can make the road feel long, exhausting, and unfulfilling. Instead, let yourself flow with time, embracing the experiences along the way. The irony is that by shifting your focus, you often reach your goals with more ease and joy. After all, life isn’t just about getting there—it’s about living every step of the way.
Patience and Gratitude
Patience and gratitude are essential for inner peace and lasting joy. Patience helps us navigate challenges without frustration, allowing us to accept life’s uncertainties with resilience. Gratitude shifts our focus from what’s lacking to what we have, fostering contentment and reducing stress. Together, they create a mindset that embraces life’s ups and downs gracefully, leading to a more peaceful and fulfilling existence.
In a world that constantly demands instant results, patience allows us to slow down, trust the process, and embrace life’s natural rhythm. It helps us manage setbacks with grace, reducing stress and frustration. When we cultivate patience, we become less reactive and more resilient in the face of difficulties.
Gratitude, on the other hand, shifts our perspective from what is missing to what is present. It encourages us to appreciate life’s simple moments, fostering contentment and reducing the constant need for more. Studies have shown that practising gratitude can improve mental health, strengthen relationships, and even boost overall happiness.
Together, patience and gratitude form a powerful foundation for a peaceful and fulfilling life. When we learn to wait without frustration and appreciate what we have, we free ourselves from unnecessary worry and dissatisfaction. By embracing these qualities, we cultivate a sense of joy that is not dependent on external circumstances but rooted in a deep, internal sense of peace.
Cherishing Every Moment: The Beauty of Ichigo Ichie
In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to get caught up in stress, distractions, and the endless chase for what’s next. But what if there was a simple philosophy that could help us embrace life as it happens, allowing us to truly appreciate every experience? Enter Ichigo Ichie, a beautiful Japanese concept that encourages us to cherish every moment as unique and unrepeatable.
The phrase Ichigo Ichie translates to “one time, one meeting.” It embodies the idea that every encounter, every experience, and every moment happens only once and can never be exactly replicated. This philosophy is deeply rooted in Japanese culture, particularly in the traditional tea ceremony, where hosts and guests treat each gathering as a once-in-a-lifetime event, never to be repeated in the same way again.
By embracing Ichigo Ichie, we can transform the way we experience life, shifting our focus from dwelling on the past or worrying about the future to fully engaging with the present. This mindset allows us to cultivate gratitude, enhance our relationships, and find joy in even the simplest moments.
How to Apply Ichigo Ichie in Daily Life
Be Present: Instead of multitasking or letting your mind wander, give your full attention to the moment at hand. Whether you’re having coffee with a friend, reading a book, or watching the sunset, immerse yourself in the experience.
Let Go of the Past and Future—Ichigo Ichie remind us that every moment is fleeting. If something goes wrong, acknowledge it, learn from it, and move forward. If something goes right, pause and savour the happiness without rushing to the next thing.
Appreciate the People Around You: Each conversation and interaction is unique. Recognize the value in the time others share with you and treat those moments with care and gratitude.
Slow Down: Modern life often pushes us to move quickly and check things off a never-ending to-do list. Instead, take moments to breathe, observe, and enjoy the little things that make life meaningful.
See Beauty in the Ordinary The warmth of sunlight on your skin, the sound of laughter, or the taste of your morning tea—these small experiences become precious when viewed through the lens of Ichigo Ichie
Negative thoughts, overanalyzing, and regret often prevent us from enjoying life. But by embracing Ichigo Ichie, we can reframe our mindset.
When something unpleasant happens, remind yourself: this moment has passed, and I can learn from it.
When something beautiful happens, take a deep breath and acknowledge: this is a gift, and I will treasure it.
When interacting with others, focus on connection and kindness, knowing that this moment is special in its right
Life is a series of fleeting, beautiful moments. By adopting Ichigo Ichie, we can learn to appreciate each experience, cherish our relationships, and find joy in the present. It’s a gentle yet profound reminder to slow down, be mindful, and make every moment count. After all, this moment—right now—will never come again. So why not embrace it fully?
Put Your Mask on First: The Importance of Self-Help and Healing
If you’ve ever been on an aeroplane, you’ve heard the familiar safety instruction: “Put your mask on first before helping others.” While this directive is meant for emergencies, it holds a profound metaphorical truth applicable to life. In a world where responsibilities and obligations can overwhelm us, prioritizing self-care, healing, and personal growth is essential—not only for our well-being but also for our ability to support those around us.
Airlines instruct passengers to put their masks on first because if you run out of oxygen, you won’t be able to help others. This principle applies to life as well. If we neglect our well-being, we will eventually burn out, leaving us incapable of being effective partners, parents, friends, or colleagues.
Many people, especially carers, parents, and professionals, feel guilty for focusing on themselves. Society often praises self-sacrifice and labels self-care as selfish. However, prioritising yourself is not about neglecting others—it is about ensuring you have the strength and energy to contribute meaningfully to the lives of those around you.
Why Self-Help and Healing Matter
Emotional and Mental Resilience Neglecting mental health can lead to anxiety, depression, and exhaustion. Investing time in therapy, meditation, journaling, or personal development helps build emotional strength, allowing us to face life’s challenges with a clear mind and a steady heart.
Physical Well-Being Chronic stress, lack of sleep, and poor nutrition take a toll on the body. Prioritizing exercise, balanced meals, and rest isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity. A healthy body is better equipped to handle daily demands and unexpected crises.
Stronger Relationships When we are well-rested and emotionally stable, we communicate better, set healthier boundaries, and nurture more meaningful relationships. Giving from a place of abundance rather than exhaustion creates deeper, more positive connections with others.
Personal Growth and Fulfillment Investing in self-help—whether through reading, learning new skills, or practicing mindfulness—enhances our sense of purpose and fulfillment. When we grow individually, we also become more capable of uplifting those around us.
How to Prioritize Yourself Without Guilt
Set boundaries: Learn to say no when necessary. Protecting your time and energy is essential for long-term sustainability.
Schedule “Me Time.” Just like any important meeting, prioritize self-care routines—whether it’s a hobby, meditation, or a simple walk in nature.
Seek Support: Therapy, support groups, or talking to trusted friends can provide emotional relief and guidance.
Practice gratitude and mindfulness: Being present and appreciating small joys reduces stress and enhances overall happiness.
Taking care of yourself doesn’t just benefit you—it positively impacts everyone around you. A well-balanced, healthy, and fulfilled individual is better equipped to help, inspire, and uplift others. By putting your mask on first, you ensure that you can continue to show up for those who need you the most.
Next time you feel overwhelmed by life’s demands, remember the wisdom of that simple yet profound airline safety instruction. Take a breath, take care of yourself, and watch how your strength transforms not only your life but also the lives of those around you.
Pain Is a Promise That Life Always Keeps
Life is unpredictable, filled with highs and lows, joys, and sorrows. Yet, one thing remains certain—pain. It is the one promise life never breaks. No matter how much we plan, dream, or strive for happiness, pain finds its way into our journey. But rather than resisting it, what if we embraced it as a teacher?
Pain is not an enemy; it is a messenger. It forces us to pause, reflect, and grow. Heartbreak teaches us the value of love, failure humbles us into resilience, and loss reminds us of the beauty of presence. Every scar tells a story, not just of suffering but of survival.
We often seek comfort and security, believing that happiness is the absence of pain. But true wisdom comes from understanding that pain is not a detour—it is part of the path. It carves depth into our souls, builds strength in our character, and refines our purpose.
Instead of fearing pain, we must learn to sit with it, listen to it, and allow it to shape us. The greatest transformations often emerge from our darkest moments. Pain may be inevitable, but suffering is optional. It is how we respond to pain that defines us.
So, when life delivers on its painful promise, remember—it is not a punishment but a passage. Every wound holds the seed of wisdom, every loss leads to new beginnings, and every tear is proof that we have truly lived.
Pain is a promise, but so is healing.
The Unspoken Realization: Finding Solace in Self-Acceptance
We spend our lives pouring our hearts into the happiness of those we hold dear. Every smile we evoke, every problem we solve for them, and every effort we make is rooted in the desire to see them content. Yet, for many, there comes a moment of unsettling clarity—a realization that while we prioritize their joy, we were never truly a part of the equation of their happiness.
This realization can be jarring, even heartbreaking. We start to see that the people we gave our time, energy, and love may not have reciprocated with the same intensity. It isn’t that they were indifferent to our presence; rather, they were never as invested as we assumed. We cared deeply for them, but they may never have cared in the same way for us.
Why do we tie our sense of self-worth to how much others value us? From a young age, we’re conditioned to equate our happiness with the approval of others. We measure our significance through their smiles, their praises, and their acknowledgement. But what happens when those moments of appreciation don’t arrive?
For many, this absence becomes a silent hurt—a void that grows as we realize our sacrifices often go unnoticed. We start to question: Was it all worth it? Were our efforts misplaced? Why did we invest so much in people who were not capable of giving us the same in return?
The first step toward healing from this cycle is understanding that we can not control how others feel about us. Their priorities, their sources of happiness, and their ability to appreciate us are shaped by their own experiences and perceptions. Often, the lack of recognition isn’t malicious—it’s simply that they are preoccupied with their own lives and struggles, leaving little room to reflect on ours.
This realization, painful as it is, can also be liberating. It gives us permission to redirect our energy toward ourselves. Instead of chasing approval or happiness from others, we can begin to focus on what truly fulfils us.
What brings us joy?
What makes us feel alive?
How can we care for ourselves as deeply as we care for others?
Self-love isn’t selfish; it’s survival. It’s the act of reminding ourselves that our happiness doesn’t need validation from others. By prioritizing our well-being, we create a solid foundation for a healthier, more balanced life.
Letting go of the need to be a cornerstone in someone else’s happiness is not easy. It’s an emotional detox that requires patience, forgiveness, and resilience. But it is also one of the most rewarding journeys you’ll embark on. As you learn to let go, you free yourself from the invisible chains of expectation, allowing space for the people who truly value and uplift you to enter your life.
In the end, we must remember this: the love and effort we put into others is never wasted. It reflects our capacity to care, empathize, and connect. Even if the same energy wasn’t returned, it speaks volumes about who we are. And when we choose to direct that love inward, we discover a happiness that no one can take away.
It’s Better to Focus on What’s Right Than Who’s Right
In our fast-paced world, it’s common for disagreements to arise. Whether it’s in personal relationships, workplace settings, or broader societal issues, the focus often shifts to determining who is right rather than understanding what is right. This inclination to assign blame or victory can overshadow the larger picture—one that reveals deeper truths about the situation and the people involved.
Human nature often seeks validation. Being “right” feels like winning a moral, intellectual, or emotional victory. It can affirm our beliefs, protect our egos, and provide a sense of control.
Similarly, in conflicts, the urge to find someone to blame satisfies a need for resolution. Pinning fault on someone simplifies the issue—it gives us a sense of closure. But this tendency often does more harm than good, as it ignores the complexity of most situations.
Constantly pointing fingers or arguing over who is right can damage trust and goodwill. Instead of fostering understanding, it creates division and resentment.
When we focus on proving others wrong, we lose the opportunity to learn from differing perspectives. Growth requires humility and the willingness to be wrong sometimes.
Fixating on individuals or blame often prevents us from addressing the root cause of an issue. We risk overlooking systemic problems, situational nuances, or valuable lessons.
Taking a step back from the question of “who” and shifting the focus to “what” can lead to more constructive outcomes. For example:
In Relationships: Instead of arguing about who caused a misunderstanding, ask, “What went wrong, and how can we fix it together?”
In Work Conflicts: Focus on solving the problem rather than pointing out a colleague’s mistakes. Collaborative problem-solving builds stronger teams.
In Societal Issues: Acknowledge the complexities of the situation. For instance, instead of focusing on which group is at fault, delve into the systemic or historical causes behind the problem.
To Shift Your Perspective
Practice Empathy: Try to see the situation through another person’s lens. Their perspective might reveal truths you hadn’t considered.
Ask the Right Questions: Instead of asking, “Who is to blame?” Ask, “What can we learn from this? What steps will lead to a solution?”
Focus on Facts, Not Faults: Ground your judgment in reality. Sometimes, situations reveal uncomfortable truths that no one person is solely responsible for.
Stay Humble: Recognize that being “right” isn’t the ultimate goal. Strive for understanding, growth, and resolution instead.
It’s human to want to be right, but it’s wise to prioritize what’s right. By shifting our mindset from blame to understanding, we not only grow as individuals but also create a more harmonious environment in our personal and professional lives. The next time you find yourself in a conflict, take a moment to pause. Ask yourself: Am I focused on proving someone wrong, or am I seeking the truth and a solution? This simple shift can transform the way we engage with others and the world around us.
SELF LOVE AND SOUL HEALING 