A spiritual–psychological reflection inspired by Eckhart Tolle
One of the most liberating insights in both psychology and spirituality is this: what we resist, persists. Eckhart Tolle captures this truth with profound simplicity when he reminds us that fighting the ego does not dissolve it, infact strengthens it. The ego thrives on conflict. The moment we declare war on it, we give it an identity, a role, and an opponent.
From a psychological perspective, the ego is not an enemy. It is a survival structure, accumulation of conditioned thoughts, beliefs, and emotional responses formed through past experiences. It develops to protect us, to predict outcomes, and to create a sense of control. The problem is not its existence; the problem is unconscious identification with it.
From a spiritual perspective, the ego is the false self, an identity rooted in time, memory, and expectation rather than presence. When we believe we are our thoughts, we lose access to the deeper awareness that observes them.
Tolle’s example of waking up to a gray, rainy morning illustrates this beautifully.
The mind immediately labels:
“What a miserable day.”
Psychologically, this is automatic negative appraisal, a learned mental shortcut. The brain associates certain stimuli (rain, gray skies) with inconvenience or discomfort and quickly assigns meaning. The body then responds with emotional signals: heaviness, dread, disappointment. This is not reality, it is interpretation.
Spiritually, this moment reveals how the ego imposes a story onto the present moment. The rain itself is neutral. The sky has no intention to make us unhappy. Suffering begins only when the mind insists that reality should be different.
The turning point comes with awareness.
The moment we notice the judgment “Ah, this is a thought, not a fact” space is created. In psychology, this is known as decentering: the ability to observe thoughts rather than merge with them. In spirituality, it is presence, the awakening of the witness.
You look again.
Not through memory.
Not through habit.
But through awareness.
You simply see: Gray sky.
Soft light.
Raindrops falling.
And something shifts.
The emotional charge dissolves, not because the weather changed, but because identification with the thought ended. This is the intersection where psychology meets spirituality: suffering reduces when perception becomes conscious.
In therapeutic work, this is a foundational principle. Many clients do not suffer because of what happened, but because of the meaning they unconsciously assigned to it often years ago, often as a child. The nervous system reacts in the present as if the old story is still true.
Spiritually, this is the ego replaying its conditioned identity. Psychologically, it is an unexamined belief loop.
Healing does not require fighting these thoughts. It requires seeing them.
When we stop labeling experiences as good or bad, success or failure, desirable or unacceptable, we return to reality as it is. Acceptance here does not mean passivity, it means clarity without resistance.
Eckhart Tolle teaches us that freedom arises not from controlling life, but from no longer imposing our unconscious judgments upon it.
This applies far beyond the weather:
To relationships that didn’t unfold as expected
To life paths that look different from the plan
To emotions we label as weakness or failure
Every time we say “This shouldn’t be happening”, the ego tightens its grip. Every time we allow “This is what is here right now”, the nervous system softens.
Psychologically, acceptance calms the stress response.
Spiritually, acceptance dissolves separation from the present moment.
And in that meeting point, where awareness replaces resistance, freedom quietly emerges.
You are no longer fighting yourself.
You are no longer fighting life.
You are simply here.
And that is where healing begins.
When we disconnect from our roots, we disconnect from ourselves.
From a psychological perspective, a child’s relationship with their parents forms the first emotional blueprint of safety, belonging, and identity. When that bond becomes fractured through blame or emotional disconnection, the nervous system often remains in a state of unrest. The mind searches for answers, the heart carries unresolved conflict, and the body holds tension that has no clear outlet. Over time, this inner split can show up as anxiety, confusion, or a persistent sense of being lost.
From a spiritual perspective, parents are not just caregivers they are the channel through which life itself flows. Regardless of human imperfections, this life force connection remains. When a person rejects or resists their origin, they unconsciously resist parts of themselves. This inner resistance disrupts emotional harmony and blocks the natural flow of peace, grounding, and vitality.
Healing does not mean excusing hurt or denying pain. It means acknowledging reality as it is honoring where life came from while choosing one’s own path with awareness. When blame softens into understanding, and resistance turns into acceptance, the mind settles, the body relaxes, and the soul finds stability.
True healing begins when we stop fighting our roots and instead learn how to stand on them consciously, compassionately, and freely.
When the Heart Carries Too Much
A reflection on my Heart Chakra and the life that shaped it
There was never anything wrong with my heart.
It was never weak, broken, or naïve.
It was simply open.
From a very young age, I learned to love deeply, to hold space, to understand others even when I was not understood. My heart became a place of safety for everyone else, a listening room, a refuge, a container for emotions that others did not want to carry.
In chakra language, this is the Heart Chakra (Anahata) the centre of love, compassion, connection, and emotional balance. But what is often not spoken about is that an open heart, without support, becomes an overworked heart.
My life shaped my heart chakra not through one single wound, but through years of showing up without being met.
I loved without conditions.
I supported without keeping score.
I stayed when leaving would have protected me.
And slowly, without realising it, my heart learned that love meant endurance.
The heaviness I feel in my heart today is not bitterness. It is unexpressed grief, grief for the parts of me that kept loving even when love was not returned with respect. Grief for the emotional labour I carried silently. Grief for the times I chose peace over truth, hoping harmony would arrive on its own.
In many spiritual spaces, a “heavy heart” is seen as a blockage. I no longer see it that way.
A heavy heart can also mean a deeply experienced one.
My heart chakra did not close after betrayal, abandonment, or misunderstanding. It stayed open, perhaps too open absorbing pain that was never meant to live there. And yet, it did not turn cold. That is not weakness. That is resilience.
What my heart is learning now is a new language: Boundaries are not the opposite of love. They are how love survives.
I am learning that I can be compassionate without carrying. That I can forgive without reconciling. That I can love without self-erasure. The heart does not need to be hardened to be protected, it needs to be respected, especially by the one who lives inside it.
Today, my heart chakra is not asking to be healed. It is asking to be relieved.
Relieved from the belief that it must hold everything together.
Relieved from the role of being the emotional anchor for everyone else.
Relieved from the responsibility of proving its worth through sacrifice.
As I sit with my heart now, I no longer ask, “Why did this happen to me?”
I ask, “What is my heart ready to put down?”
And the answer is gentle and clear:
I am allowed to love myself with the same devotion I once gave away freely.
My Closing Reflection
An open heart is a gift.
A protected heart is wisdom.
A balanced heart is freedom.
And I am learning slowly, compassionately, how to hold all three.
We All Carry a Mirror: Understanding the Narcissist Within
Narcissism is often spoken about in extremes. We picture someone grandiose, manipulative, emotionally cold, the narcissist. But the truth is far more nuanced, and far more human.
We are all narcissistic to some degree.
Some more. Some less. And that does not make us broken, it makes us human.
At its core, narcissism is not about cruelty.
It is about self-preservation.
From the moment we are born, we need attention to survive. A baby cries because it must. That cry says, “See me. Hear me. I matter.” Healthy narcissism begins here, it is the foundation of self-worth, identity, and the sense that one’s existence has value.
Problems arise not from having narcissistic traits, but from being stuck in them.
Healthy Narcissism vs. Wounded Narcissism
Healthy narcissism looks like:
Having boundaries
Valuing yourself
Taking pride in your work
Wanting to be seen and acknowledged
Protecting your emotional space
This is self-respect.
Unhealthy or wounded narcissism develops when early emotional needs were unmet, dismissed, or shamed. The child learns:
I must perform to be loved
I must dominate to feel safe
I must blame to avoid shame
I must be right to feel worthy
What looks like arrogance is often unprocessed insecurity.
What looks like entitlement is often fear of insignificance.
What looks like lack of empathy is often emotional overwhelm and dissociation.
Why Some Have More Narcissistic Defences Than Others:
Some people learned that vulnerability was unsafe.
Some learned love was conditional.
Some learned they were only valued for what they provided.
So they built armour.
The louder the ego, the deeper the wound beneath it.
And yet, society tends to divide people into victims and villains, forgetting that most harmful behaviours come from unhealed pain, not conscious malice.
This does not excuse harm, but it helps us understand it.
The Real Difference That Matters
The real divide is not between narcissists and non-narcissists.
It is between:
Those who can self-reflect
And those who cannot tolerate accountability
Growth begins the moment a person can say:
“I may have hurt someone. Let me look at that.”
Healing begins when ego loosens its grip and awareness steps in.
A Gentle Reflection for All of Us
We all want to be seen.
We all want to feel special to someone.
We all want our pain to be acknowledged.
The work is not to eliminate the ego, but to befriend it, soften it, and stop letting it lead our relationships.
Because when awareness grows, narcissism transforms into self-compassion, and self-compassion naturally expands into empathy for others.
And that is where real emotional maturity lives.
Reflection Question
Where in your life are you protecting yourself and where are you willing to soften?
The Marriage That Broke Me, and Then Freed Me
Today marks my 32nd wedding anniversary.
For the last six years, I have spent this day alone.
Not because I chose distance but because distance was forced upon me, rewritten as “divorce,” spoken to the world as truth, even when no divorce was ever registered till today.
This day no longer represents celebration.
It represents reckoning.
26 Years of Unconditional Love For 26 years, I gave what I believed marriage meant:
Loyalty
Presence
Emotional labour
Support through storms, failures, ambitions, and family responsibilities
I held the home together.
I raised the children.
I stayed even when respect quietly left the room.
And yet, I was told I was absent.
I was blamed for the collapse of a relationship I never abandoned.
The Loneliest Years Were the Married Ones
The last six years taught me something painful but liberating:
You can be married and still be alone.
When your existence is dismissed,
when your voice is inconvenient,
when your sacrifices are invisible,
marriage becomes a place of emotional exile.
What followed was not just abandonment,
it was character and personality assassination.
My integrity was questioned.
My intentions were distorted.
My identity was rewritten in ways that suited another narrative.
The Moment of Clarity
With time, distance, and healing, I finally saw the pattern clearly:
Everything he accused me of
was a projection of what he was doing in reality.
Blame became a shield.
Accusation became camouflage.
My silence became his permission.
This realization didn’t come with anger.
It came with clarity.
And clarity is freedom.
What This Marriage Taught Me
This marriage was not a failure.
It was a lesson.
A lesson in:
How women are expected to endure quietly
How loyalty is often mistaken for weakness
How unconditional love without boundaries becomes self-betrayal
It taught me that:
Love without respect erodes the soul
Staying is not the same as being valued
Truth does not need agreement to remain true
Who I Am Now
Today, I no longer seek validation for the years I gave. I honour them. I no longer explain my silence. I understand it. I no longer carry shame for loving deeply.That was never my flaw.
My greatest achievement is not survival
it is self-recognition.
This Anniversary, I Choose Myself
This anniversary is no longer about what I lost.
It is about what I found.
My voice.
My dignity.
My truth.
And that is a love story worth remembering.
Emotional Security: Where Psychology Meets the Soul
A psychologically secure and spiritually grounded person does not need to step on others to feel worthy. They do not shame, blame, or diminish because their sense of self is not built on comparison.
From a psychological lens, emotional security comes from self-awareness and emotional regulation. Secure individuals are able to observe their thoughts and feelings without being consumed by them. When discomfort arises, they reflect rather than react. They take responsibility instead of projecting their inner conflicts onto others.
From a spiritual lens, this same security is rooted in inner alignment. A person connected to their inner self understands that harming another is harming the self. There is no need to dominate when you trust your own path. There is no urge to criticize when your worth is not up for negotiation.
Insecure people often live in survival mode psychologically and spiritually. Their nervous system is dysregulated, and their ego is constantly scanning for threats. Fault-finding becomes a coping strategy. Blame becomes a way to avoid inner work. Putting others down creates a temporary illusion of control over an inner chaos they haven’t learned to face.
Psychologically, this is projection.
Spiritually, this is disconnection.
Emotional intelligence develops when a person is willing to sit with their discomfort and ask, “What is this teaching me?” rather than “Who is responsible for how I feel?” This willingness to look inward is where healing begins both in the mind and in the soul.
True security is quiet.
It doesn’t need validation.
It doesn’t need to win.
It doesn’t need to wound.
When you encounter blame or emotional aggression, meet it with discernment rather than absorption. What is unhealed in others does not require a home within you. Staying anchored in self-respect and compassion is both a psychological boundary and a spiritual practice.
Healing is integration.
Strength is gentleness.
Awareness is freedom.
When psychology and spirituality meet, we stop fighting others and start understanding ourselves.
Forgiveness is Emotional Freedom: And Emotional Freedom is the Foundation of Manifestation
When Forgiveness Becomes Freedom, Your Future Finally Begins
We often hear spiritual teachers say let go, release, move forward… but no one really prepares us for the emotional storms that come before letting go. Forgiveness is not a moment. It is a deep internal shift. A sacred surrender. A conscious closing of a chapter you never wanted to write in the first place.
Forgiveness is not about excusing what happened, or pretending the pain didn’t shape you. It’s about choosing emotional freedom over emotional imprisonment.
And emotional freedom is powerful, it becomes the energetic soil from which your manifestation blooms.
Forgiveness is emotional freedom
When you hold onto resentment, anger, or hurt, you are energetically tied to the past. Your mind keeps replaying scenarios, your heart keeps reliving wounds, and your body keeps responding as if the trauma is still happening now.
You don’t just remember the past, you keep re-experiencing it.
Forgiveness unhooks the emotional charge.
Forgiveness disconnects you from the person or memory energetically. Forgiveness releases your nervous system from survival mode.
In that space, your inner world softens. Your heart expands. Your intuition begins to lead again.
Emotional freedom activates manifestation energy
Manifestation requires clarity, openness, and flow. But emotional wounds create energetic congestion. When you are stuck in emotional pain, your vibration is locked in fear, resentment, judgment, or hopelessness.
You can’t manifest from a closed heart.
You can’t manifest from unfelt pain.
You can’t manifest from emotional bondage.
When forgiveness unlocks emotional freedom, your frequency rises. Your energy opens. You move from survival into creation.
That energetic shift is what turns your intentions into reality.
Releasing the past makes space for the future:
Here’s a gentle truth, your future cannot begin until your past stops controlling your internal world. The past always wants to repeat itself, until you consciously release it.
We don’t move forward because time passes.
We move forward because emotion passes.
Forgiveness is the doorway.
Emotional freedom is the key.
Manifestation is the reward.
When you finally release what hurt you, you return your power to yourself. The future starts to unfold. Opportunities begin to show up. Love becomes possible again. Guidance becomes visible. That is when you finally step into alignment with your soul’s path.
A gentle reminder,
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting.
It doesn’t mean reconciling.
It doesn’t mean accepting toxic behaviour.
It means choosing your peace over your pain.
Your evolution over your wounds.
Your freedom over what they did.
Your life begins again the moment you release what was holding you back.
Sometimes We Break to Become Whole Again
Pain helps you grow. I wrote these words 13 years ago, not realizing that I was quietly preparing myself for the storms that were coming. Back then, these words felt like gentle wisdom. Today, they feel like truth, carved into my soul by lived experience.
Sometimes things must change so you can change. Life asked me to release roles, identities, and security. But the most difficult changes were the ones I faced as a woman and as a mother navigating expectations, holding everything together, and silently carrying emotional weight no one saw.
Sometimes you must break a little just to discover the woman underneath everything you were taught to be. I was taught to be strong yet silent, patient yet forgiving, giving yet selfless. But through heartbreak and loss, I found a different kind of woman inside me: one who knows her worth, one who can walk away, one who can rebuild herself without asking for permission or validation.
Motherhood broke me open in a different way. It teaches you a love that is tender and fierce. It also teaches sacrifice in a world that rarely notices the mother behind the responsibility. I gave my children everything I had love, time, dreams, years and yet life tested that identity too.
There were days I wasn’t just breaking as a woman, I was breaking as a mother. Moments when I questioned if I was enough, when love felt heavy, when exhaustion felt endless, when silence felt louder than any scream. And yet, every time, I rose. Not because I had all the strength because my daughters needed a mother who wouldn’t give up.
Motherhood didn’t weaken me. It shaped me.
Heartbreak didn’t destroy me. It polished me.
Pain didn’t break me. It rebirthed me.
Sometimes mistakes must be made so wisdom can be earned. The mistakes I made as a woman, the decisions I made as a mother they all carried lessons. Lessons about boundaries, self-respect, healing childhood wounds, ending generational patterns, and raising daughters with emotional awareness instead of emotional silence.
Sometimes you must overcome heartache so you can begin to follow your heart again. I learned that healing is not just for me it is for my daughters too. If I stay broken, they inherit my wounds. If I rise, they inherit my strength.
Today, I stand differently. Not just as a woman who survived, but as a mother who transformed pain into guidance heartbreak into wisdom and brokenness into awakening.
Looking back, I see now:
I wasn’t breaking, I was becoming.
As a woman.
As a mother.
As a soul on a divine journey.
All those years ago, when I wrote these words, I had no idea I was writing to the future version of myself the woman I would meet through storms, through love, through letting go, through motherhood, through growth.
Life prepares us long before we understand its reasons. And one day, we look back and whisper,
“I was becoming this all along.”
The Emotional Blueprint: How Your Inner State Shapes Your Reality
Your life is not shaped only by what you think, it is shaped by what you feel.
Emotions are not just passing sensations; they are the language of the subconscious mind. They form the energetic blueprint from which your life is created. You may consciously desire success, peace, love, or abundance but if your emotional frequency is tuned to fear, doubt, or unworthiness, your internal programming sends out a different signal to the universe.
This is why emotions matter. They are the real architects of your reality.
Emotions: The Root of Subconscious Programming
From childhood experiences to conditioned beliefs, your emotions store memories that your conscious mind may have forgotten. These emotional imprints silently guide:
What you believe you deserve
How you interpret situations
How you respond to challenges
Decisions you make without even realising
The kind of relationships and opportunities you attract
Your subconscious mind doesn’t respond to words, it responds to feelings.
That’s why true transformation begins with emotional awareness, emotional healing, and emotional alignment.
Affirmations Work, But Only When Emotions Support Them
Repeating “I am worthy” means nothing if deep down you feel unworthy. Affirmations become powerful when the emotional state behind them shifts.
You reprogram your subconscious not through repetition alone, but by allowing yourself to actually feel the vibration of the words.
When an affirmation is paired with emotion, gratitude, joy, hope, belief, it becomes a new energetic instruction. Over time, this signal rewires your internal patterns.
In other words:
Affirmations speak to the mind.
Emotions speak to the soul.
Together, they change your life.
Your Frequency, Your Vibe, Your Environment, they All Matter
You are always manifestingwith your thoughts, your feelings, your energy, and even the environment you live in.
Your vibration is influenced by:
The people you surround yourself with
The conversations you engage in
The energy of your home
Your daily habits
Your inner dialogue
The level of emotional safety you experience
If your environment drains you, your subconscious absorbs that frequency.
If your environment nourishes you, your subconscious expands.
Emotional states are contagious, so is energy. That’s why shifting your surroundings is often the first step in shifting your life.
You Are Always Co-Creating Your Reality
Manifestation is not magic, it is alignment.
When your inner world and outer world vibrate at the same frequency, life begins to flow. Opportunities open. Synchronicities appear. Your intuition strengthens. You attract what matches your energetic signature.
To manifest consciously, you must:
Understand your emotions
Heal what blocks you
Choose empowering thoughts
Speak aligned affirmations
Maintain a high vibration
Create supportive space
Trust the process
Your emotions are your compass.
Your vibration is your magnet.
Your subconscious is the engine.
Your environment is the soil.
Together, they shape everything you experience.
Final Thought
You don’t manifest what you want, you manifest who you are becoming. And who you are becoming is a reflection of the emotions you carry, the energy you embody, and the mindset you nurture every single day.
Choose your emotions with intention.
Align your vibration with your desires.
Reprogram your subconscious with love.
And watch your reality transform.
Holding joy and sorrow: A spiritual reflection on Anxiety
One of the greatest misconceptions in modern spiritual teachings is the belief that a single negative thought or a moment of anxiety will manifest negativity in your life. But the truth is being human means feeling everything.
We were never meant to experience only joy or only peace. We are here to live the full spectrum of emotions: joy and sorrow, clarity and confusion, hope and fear. It is impossible to walk through life without moments that shake us. And it is deeply unfair even spiritually unkind to believe that feeling anxious makes us energetically “low” ,”toxic” ,or “unworthy”.
As someone who is learning to hold both joy and sorrow in the same breath, I want to share something I’ve come to understand:
Anxiety is not a curse. It’s not a magnet for bad things.
Anxiety is a feeling of care. It’s often a sign that your heart is deeply invested in something, a dream, a person, a future and that you’re trying to protect what matters to you even if you can’t control the outcome.
It can arise from sensitivity, from trauma, from love. And YES, while anxiety can be overwhelming, but it does not define your destiny, it does not predict your future. Majority of the thoughts that come with anxiety will never come True, they are simply echoes of old fears trying to keep us safe.
What we can do is build a spiritual practice that brings us home to ourselves. We can come back again and again to a power greater than our fear.
These days, when anxiety rises,I don’t fight it, I meet it with a prayer. I remind myself of a deeper truth:
God’s plan is greater than my fear. Love is stronger than worry.
And in that moment something softens I remember that I am being guided, even when i can’t see the path clearly. I remember that my emotions are a part of my humanity not evidence of spiritual failure. I remember that every breath gives me a chance to begin again.
So if you are reading this in a moment of fear, confusion or overwhelm let this truth anchor you:
You are not your anxiety
You are not your worst thoughts
You are being held, guided, and carried even through this by the Universe
SELF LOVE AND SOUL HEALING 